Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
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