The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
