He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
