ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
My balls are so social today.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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