last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
