so that wasnt chicken after all
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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