Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
