Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
