no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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