everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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