is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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