just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
