we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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