the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
