If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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