Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
