her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
