He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I am one with the molecules
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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