that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
