i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Porn is love you can see.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Randomize
