So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
