i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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