my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize