I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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