I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Text me some of your sweat
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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