It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
