We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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