At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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