At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
