Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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