I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
