The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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