Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
