youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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