Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
