Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
