You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
