worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize