sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
plz talk dirty to me
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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