At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
