you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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