Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
