Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
