Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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