it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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