oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
