the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
