The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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