Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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