I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
