i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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