I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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