My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
