Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
