just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
