So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
