I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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