when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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