We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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