I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
