Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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