I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
