first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
