All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize