This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
