Plan B is the new Plan A
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my shit smells like andre
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
