everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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