this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
