I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
