The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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