My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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