guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
