I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
