Fine. I'll sleep in my office
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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