It's Friday. Sex?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
