So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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