the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize