Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Everclear isn't food dammit
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
