Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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