laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
