Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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