i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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