I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
that may or may not have been my penis.
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