Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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