Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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