so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
