Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
