It's Friday. Sex?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize