i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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