Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
