I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
