We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't think brook has ever known best
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
