Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My pussy is not your playground.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
