well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
