I heard we made out
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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