You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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