Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
4 words: hood of his car
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
