Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
