Pappa wants mamma naked
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
