WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
