At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
